I promise not to give any more presentations to my class with my fly down.
I love the holidays. I really do. Except, I realize that it’s such a small thing, but shopping (even now — before Thanksgiving) is already becoming unbearable. So, I’m setting rules for everyone!
1) Do not steal my parking spot. If I have been sitting patiently waiting for the person to pull out with my turn signal on, and you just arrive, don’t shrug at me, then pull right in, with a smile. Karma’s a b!tch, and I saw how you’d have to re-park THREE times to get it right… (even in your teeny-tiny car). I will laugh at you. Promise.
2) Do not stop in the middle of the main aisle to talk to the friend that you’ve been walking with. It doesn’t make any sense, and I refuse to apologize the next time I run into you with my cart as a result of it. Promise.
3) There’s no need to yell at your mother in Target. Especially if you’re a middle-aged man shopping with your teenage daughter and your elderly mother. When your mother says she needs a new broom — she probably does. She’s not trying to “be a pain in your a$$” to get a new broom. Promise.
4) In general, taking children through the toy department at Christmas time is asking for trouble. If you don’t want to hear what your children want for the holiday, it’s probably best if you avoid that general area. Shouting at them is not going to make them want Barbie less. Promise.