I went off the deep end on Saturday, and need to figure out why.
As you may, or may not, know, the hubby and I are trying to start a family. Well, err, not trying so much, as not stopping it. (Can I tell you a secret? We’re *trying*, but I hate that term, so I’ll never use it. I also don’t like the pressure that it puts on me & the hubby.)
Using the March of Dimes fertility calculator, we’ve figured out the best time to have some *fun* in order to potentially make a TinyLaLa. As such, I tend to eat really well and nix the alcohol around the time of ovulation and through until I get my TOM, then I lash out.
Saturday was a lash out. It was the last weekend before I needed to start being good, for *hopefully* the next 9+ months of my foreseeable future. But why, oh why, does that have to mean a martini, a beer, wine (2 glasses), plus fries, a club sandwich, appetizers, and a cupcake? Clearly, I’m having a hard time setting personal boundaries.
This lifestyle change hasn’t changed me all that much. Oh wait, I added some avocado to that sando for some “good fat”. Ridiculous.
Back on the wagon now, but really worked up over why I did that. The day before I committed in blog form to the weight loss in the form of the Triathlon Weight Loss Challenge. And what did I get from this lash out?
- A hangover
- 3+ pounds
- Feelings of inadequacy
So what am I to do about this? It’s high time that I figure out ways to make myself happy and comfortable that do not include food or alcohol. Ways to love myself without showing self-hate. Ways to prove that I am worth giving up some little things to get something that I really want — to be trim & fit.
And I am worth it.