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You won’t be surprised…

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But I’ve gained more than the 15 pounds that my doctors recommended that I gain with this pregnancy.  Already.  As of this morning, I’m up 19 pounds.  19!  And I’ve still got 17.5 weeks to go.  Including 2-3 vacations/weekends away, the hubby’s birthday, and Thanksgiving.  This is not a good thing, my friends.

Not that it’s all that surprising to me, either.  Seriously?  Gaining only 15 pounds with a pregnancy?  That’s cray-cray.  I’d like to say that I’ve been eating really well.  And I can tell you that I had a salad for lunch yesterday.  But then I might conveniently leave out the part where I didn’t finish it (there was too much dressing), and instead went back for a second biscuit. Ahem, a second cheese biscuit.

Oh, and then there were the bananas that I bought to add into protein pancakes or to top English muffins with peanut butter.  Instead, they sat too long, and I HAD to make some banana chocolate chip bread.  And then I HAD to proceed to eat 2 slices per day this week.  Luckily the hubby’s been eating more than that, and it’s finally gone.

I did not expect this to be this hard, folks.  I’m really not sure why, though.  I mean, I have tried my entire life.  ENTIRE LIFE! to lose weight, and now I’m just piling the pounds on like it’s my job.  19 pounds in 22.5 weeks isn’t ALL that terrible, and honestly, I really only look like I’ve gained some weight in the belly (it’s *thank goodness* not distributed itself to my face or upper arms — yet).  But knowing that I still have 17.5 weeks to go, and this kiddo is just going to grow & grow & grow, is terrifying.

I cried this morning, exclaiming that if I couldn’t control my need for ice cream, how could I possibly be a good mother.  I even said that I wished she was going to be a boy, because then he wouldn’t really worry about his weight like I do.  Friends, I am so scared that I am going to screw this little, innocent, perfect baby up.

Back to basics, my friends.  No, not a diet.  But tracking what I eat.  Doing my cardio.  Making good choices.  Setting myself up for success.

Sticky sweet & Needle sticks (oh, and valium)

Ahh, it’s all so glamorous, isn’t it?  Wait.  Wha?!?  You don’t think that infertility is glamorous?  You must be crazy.

So, here’s the deal:  I don’t know what the deal is.

  • Still waiting on test results.
  • Waiting for meds to kick in.
  • Waiting to see if my thyroid levels are better, or if I need a higher dose of medication.
  • Waiting to see if my pregnancy test will be positive.
  • Waiting to see if I have PCOS.
  • Waiting, waiting, waiting.

I thank goodness that I live in the US, with good health insurance.  Not that they’ll cover all of this, but they do pay for all diagnostic testing, as well as treatments for things like PCOS.  They won’t pay for fertility treatments, but I’m not too worried about that yet.

We met with a reproductive endocrinologist last Wednesday at noon for the initial consultation.  When he saw me, he immediately started thinking it was PCOS (yes, I do carry a lot of belly fat, thankyouverymuch).  He was impressed that I already had some tests completed, but said that some of the tests my PA ordered weren’t useful for anything, and said that I should not take the Progestin that she’d prescribed.  And that made me feel good, because that’s what I was thinking, and that’s why we were getting a 2nd opinion in the first place.

During my initial ultrasound, he took a look at my ovaries, and said that it looked less like PCOS than endometriosis, but he wasn’t sure.  I scheduled a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) for Friday afternoon.  He told me to continue on my prenatals and my thyroid medication.  We scheduled a sperm test for the hubby.  We decided to not go in for surgery for the endometriosis – just to treat empirically.  This is the best course of action for me, since I’m not having any other issues related to it.

I might have cried a bit at the thought that I might not be able to have children.  The doctor reassured me that I would be able to have as many babies as I wanted, and he thought by the end of next year I’d be holding my own – he wasn’t sure if it’d be a newborn or 5 months, but wanted me to know that all was not lost.

Thursday the hubby dropped off the sperm.  Friday I had the HSG – and all looked good.  (BTW – apparently Valium doesn’t do anything for me.  I was supposed to feel like I’d had 3 or 4 drinks – I was totally fine!  And by fine, I mean that I felt everything that happened in the test.  Boo.)  Saturday I had another ultrasound, and they gave me a shot of HCG to get the eggs that were in the ovaries to start making their way out, and gave us a prescription for daily sex through Monday.

This morning was a 2 hour glucose tolerance test with insulin testing.  That’s the definitive test for PCOS, I guess.  The drink tasted like a super sweet Sprite without any carbonation.  Blech.  But, I got to read about a hundred pages of The Hunger Games.  Yay!

I’ll take a pregnancy test the morning of December 3 (2 weeks after the HCG shot).  If it’s positive, I’ll go into the clinic for a confirmatory blood test and some progesterone.  If negative, I’ll wait and call them on Day 1 of my next cycle, and then start on Clomid.  Actually, I’ll probably take December “off” and start up again in January.  That will make Christmas a bit less stressful, and allow me to get Lasix on my eyes the first week of January (can’t do it if you’re pregnant).

Winner, Winner… Fish dinner!

I’ve thought a lot lately about the best ways for me to make sure that I hit my weight loss goals this year.  And basically, I have decided to keep doing what I’ve done recently:
  • Eating on plan
  • Working out
  • Staying positive
  • Focusing on myself
  • Blogging!*
* Sorry, kids.  You can’t get rid of me that easily!

Boneless, skinless Tilapia? Really?

I know that I need to get a bit more creative in the kitchen.  And by creative, I mean I need to try to make more simple meals during the week – with a plan!

So, in planning this week’s meals, I chose all new recipes.  Last night’s was a complete hit!  Super Yum Sauce was still good at lunch today.  Yes, it’s that good, folks.  I could lap it up.  Seriously.

Tonight I had planned on this fantastic tilapia recipe…

Pre-baking: Check out those chunks of garlic! But, it was perfect - not too much!

When buying tilapia, there are a number of different options out there.  However, only farm-raised USA-grown tilapia is considered sustainable from the Monterrey Bay Aquarium Seafood Watch.

TILAPIA

© Monterey Bay Aquarium
SEAFOOD RATING MARKET NAMES WHERE CAUGHT HOW CAUGHT
Tilapia Best Choice: These fish are abundant, well managed and fished or farmed in environmentally friendly ways. Izumidai U.S. Farmed
Tilapia Good Alternative: These are good alternatives to the best choices column. There are some concerns with how they are fished or farmed – or with the health of their habitats due to other human impacts. Izumidai Brazil, Costa Rica, Ecuador, Honduras Farmed
Tilapia Avoid: Avoid these products for now. These fish come from sources that are overfished or fished or farmed in ways that harm the environment. Izumidai China, Taiwan Farmed

Source

I think it’s extremely important to buy sustainable food.  And for me, fish is one of the easiest.  If you shop at Whole Foods, they have a little sticker on the tag of the fish indicating where it came from and if it’s sustainable.  My local grocery store, Sprout’s, indicates where everything came from, and whether it’s farmed or wild.  Using either the Seafood Watch App on my iPhone or Android, or the Seafood Watch Pocket Guides, I find it really easy to make a great choice that I know is better for the environment and healthier.

Greek Tilapia Florentine
Adapted from Clean Eating Magazine 

  • 3  five oz Tilapia filets
  • 1 Tomato, chopped
  • 3 Cloves garlic, thinly sliced
  • 3 tbsp chopped fresh parsley
  • Juice of 1/2 lemon
  • 4 Green onions, chopped
  • 2 Cloves garlic, chopped or pressed
  • 1.5 tbsp Olive oil
  • 10 oz Baby spinach
  • 1/3 c Low-fat Feta cheese

Sautéing green onions...

  1. Preheat oven to 350*.
  2. Lay filets in a baking dish.  Top with tomatoes, sliced garlic & parsley.  Squeeze lemon over fish.  Cover with foil; bake for 20 minutes, until fish is opaque and flakes easily.
  3. In a large, deep skillet, heat oil.  Sauté green onions and chopped/pressed garlic for a minute.  Reduce heat and add spinach.  Cook until wilted (about 3 to 5 minutes).  Add feta and heat until melted.
  4. Place 1/3 of spinach/feta mixture on each plate, top with fish & tomatoes.

Wilted spinach, green onions, garlic & feta

I didn’t buy enough spinach, so ours was a bit short.  The leftover tilapia filet will be served with tabouli, since I only made enough spinach for 2 servings…

Final product - A winner for the rotation!

Finished the evening with a cupcake.  Turns out the hubby didn’t take them into work today, and I just had to have just 1 more!  But, I made him promise that he had to take them in tomorrow…  They just cannot stay in this house!

Do you care where your fish / beef / chicken come from and whether they are sustainable?   How does it affect your grocery shopping & eating out?

New approach…

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It’s Tuesday, and in 3 days I turn 33.

Last year, I started age 32 by making a list of reasonable things that I wanted to accomplish in the next 365 days. Let’s take a look at last year’s List of 10 Before 33:

  1. Reach goal weight – NOPE
  2. Pay off car – Done; except instead of paying it off, I bought a new one, although it does have a smaller monthly payment. Does that really count?
  3. Go to Africa – Done & it was AMAZING
  4. Finish a triathlon – Done!
  5. Get pregnant – NOPE 
  6. Last Christmas in childhood home – Done. Well, we went to my parents’ place for Christmas, but they haven’t sold the house yet, and I have no idea if they really will…
  7. Graduate with MBA – Done! Woot, woot! I’m a smarty-pants!
  8. Go skydiving – Done! Awesome. 
  9. Horseback riding lessons – Nope. I need to be below goal weight to do this, sadly. So not meeting goal 1 = not meeting goal 9.
  10. Stand-up paddle boarding – Done. And frankly, I didn’t like it much…

So now I’m thinking of things that I want for my life before I’m 34:

  1. Get pregnant. 

And, pretty much that’s where I stop. No pressure or anything…


If I do get pregnant, I won’t hit goal weight. But it’ll be awesome anyway, so I don’t much care. And I certainly can’t do horseback riding lessons! Ha! I don’t want to include any travel-related goals, because again, that will change if we do get pregnant. I hate that I can’t make plans because I’m making plans for something else that I want. This is completely new to me!


Last year, I just kept planning, paying for triathlon admissions, etc., because I knew it might be a long-shot that I’d be preggers by now. But I’m kind of an overachiever (can you tell?), so I figured that I’d just not compete, because in the back of my mind, I would (OF COURSE) get what I wanted, and have a bun in the oven. Oh, how foolish the human mind is ***shaking fist to the heavens***.


So, yeah. I KNOW that things like this aren’t on my own time scale. I’m not that self-absorbed. But still — this is new territory for me.


So, now what? New approach! I’ve decided to focus on things that make me who I want to be — the chica that I pretend I am, but really, I’m just fibbing about it. These are a bit more general than goals — more like aspirations, I suppose:

  1. Stop biting fingernails. Seriously this time. And forever. Geesh.
  2. Have more empathy.
  3. Exercise, doing things that I enjoy.
  4. Plan my meals & grocery shop based on those plans.
  5. Eat the things that I should be eating. Skip those things that I shouldn’t.
  6. Get organized. I’m a mess. I try really hard to do this, then abandon, then start over.
  7. Stick to a budget! 
  8. Upload photos (enhanced versions!) within 2 weeks of taking the pictures.
  9. Take more pictures!
  10. Knit a blanket; Crochet a blanket.
  11. Keep the house tidy; vacuum once a week (at least).
  12. Send birthday/anniversary cards BEFORE someone’s birthday/anniversary.
  13. Be more creative.
  14. Go to more “Arty” things – galleries, museums, plays, performances.
  15. Go visit friends & stay in touch with people.
  16. Be on time.
  17. Floss & wear my retainer.
  18. Wash my face before bed.
  19. Get ready for work: make-up & hair done & dried. No more going into work like a zombie. It’s not good for my promotion possibilities.
  20. Take the dogs for walks. Daily.

    Re-evaluating

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    I went off the deep end on Saturday, and need to figure out why.

    As you may, or may not, know, the hubby and I are trying to start a family. Well, err, not trying so much, as not stopping it. (Can I tell you a secret? We’re *trying*, but I hate that term, so I’ll never use it. I also don’t like the pressure that it puts on me & the hubby.) 


    Using the March of Dimes fertility calculator, we’ve figured out the best time to have some *fun* in order to potentially make a TinyLaLa. As such, I tend to eat really well and nix the alcohol around the time of ovulation and through until I get my TOM, then I lash out.

    Saturday was a lash out. It was the last weekend before I needed to start being good, for *hopefully* the next 9+ months of my foreseeable future. But why, oh why, does that have to mean a martini, a beer, wine (2 glasses), plus fries, a club sandwich, appetizers, and a cupcake? Clearly, I’m having a hard time setting personal boundaries.

    This lifestyle change hasn’t changed me all that much. Oh wait, I added some avocado to that sando for some “good fat”. Ridiculous.

    Back on the wagon now, but really worked up over why I did that. The day before I committed in blog form to the weight loss in the form of the Triathlon Weight Loss Challenge. And what did I get from this lash out?

    1. A hangover
    2. 3+ pounds
    3. Feelings of inadequacy

    So what am I to do about this? It’s high time that I figure out ways to make myself happy and comfortable that do not include food or alcohol. Ways to love myself without showing self-hate. Ways to prove that I am worth giving up some little things to get something that I really want — to be trim & fit.

    And I am worth it.

    Dreaming…

    Posted on

    As I mentioned yesterday, I had an appt with an OB/GYN yesterday afternoon. It was at 4:30, and I planned to be at swim practice at 6 PM. Woops. I didn’t get in to see the doctor until 5:30 – and even then it was just a consultation. Apparently there were a few emergency procedures that day (not sure what that could mean, really), so they were running really late. That turned me off, but once I met her, I knew that she was great. Such kind eyes!

    I had a whole list of questions, to which she listened, provided realistic responses, and even looked up the more esoteric things (what’s the half-life of Malarone, and will it affect my un-conceived child if I conceive in the next month?). I made her WORK!

    The best part: she did not, in fact, tell me that I needed to lose weight. She did say that I should keep thinking: “How nutritional is this? If it doesn’t add nutrients, don’t eat it.” Which is a pretty good way to live life anyway. She said that if I were to get preggers this month that we would try to have me gain a minimal amount of weight through the pregnancy. Which I agree with.

    After I left, at 6:05 (after the start of swim practice) I went to Trader Joe’s and stocked up on groceries. Headed home, where hubby had spent the day bottling 2 batches of home brew, and brewing a 3rd. No, the pool was not clean. No, the kitchen was certainly not clean. And my house smells like Grape Nuts (to me — it’s really the boiled grains). But, he was happy & in his element.

    We had soup for dinner, berries for dessert.

    And then I dreamed that I was pregnant, and my best friend’s mom filled out my registry for me with all this stuff that I didn’t need. So weird. Obviously, baby on the brain… Ridiculous since I just “took out the goalie” yesterday.

    Argh. Monday…

    Posted on

    Went to bed last night at 7:45 PM (was up at 6 AM, so I suppose it was warranted). Did NOTHING yesterday. Literally sat on the couch all day playing with the new Mac (woot!) and going through photos. Started with old pics, and moved on to Africa ones. We had over 5000 Africa pics — deleted about 1000 of them, so down to 4000. How am I supposed to edit that to the 300 that people actually want to see?!? Grumble. Plus, we have about an hour and 15 minutes of videos. Some better than others — how do we upload those somewhere so that people can actually see them?!? Excited about editing them on the Mac though… Just need to learn how!

    This morning, I made about 4 trips back into the house because I forgot stuff. And still ended up forgetting my gym shoes. I’m supposed to be working out with my trainer NOW. Geez. Now I have to do a make-up session tomorrow morning, and cut it short so that I can get to my first meeting at 8 AM. Don’t these people know that I have a workout regimen to keep up with?

    In all my shenanigans this morning I also managed to drop the following on the ground, which then “bounced” and landed on my leather pumps and dry-clean only pants: Chobani 0% blueberry yogurt, mixed with 1/3 c dry quick oats, 4 crushed walnut halves, and about 1/4 c dried cranberries. But, since I missed dinner last night (see my “falling asleep time” above), I was HUNGRY. I swore a bit, cleaned up the driveway of the mess, and went in and made another one! :)

    BTW – I’m down 2.6 from Friday. :)

    I have an appointment this afternoon with an Ob/Gyn to make sure that all is in tip-top shape for when hubby & I “take out the goalie” so to speak. I’m afraid that she’s going to tell me to lose weight. Which I need to do. But I’ve been trying for SO long, and I just can’t seem to do it. But, the last thing that I want is to go up to 250 pounds while pregnant. Would really love to get pregnant when I’m at 180 or so, and have my high weight be about 210 — where I’m at now. That means that I need to lose 30 pounds. Not an easy feat. Especially for someone who’s in the baby-making mode NOW!

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