I’m a wife.
I’m a (pup & kitty) mom.
I work full time.
I train & exercise.
I cook & prep (most) food.
I have friends.
My house is big (and usually messy).
I’m the shopper, the launder, and the organizer (of our lives).
I have a lot going on. And I don’t know how to keep it all straight or fit it all in. You see, I’m a bit of a maniacal perfectionist. When things are good — man are they good. I feel like a grown-up. In my big, organized house. Laundry put away into the drawers, dishes done, floors swept or vacuumed. Dogs walked, cats brushed (with clean litter pans), and my in-box down to less than 50 actionable emails. (Yes, I know… 50 actionable emails left is GOOD?!? Yes, yes it is. Don’t judge.) A meal plan prepared days in advance, knowing that I have defrosted the chicken I want to make, I have the panko bread crumbs required, and I will certainly get to eat some cherries for dessert.
But when things are bad. Man. They are B.A.D. Dishes everywhere. Dog fur everywhere. Dogs lying on the floor, staring at their leashes wondering when, oh when, are we going somewhere, Mom? Moldy produce waiting to be used, while I pick up take-out or pull together something “easy” (read: Processed, and usually not all that easy). Piles of magazines waiting to be read, their pages then torn out, and placed in a pile. Until they’re moved, and eventually discarded with the other recipes that I’ll never make. The other crafty ideas I had in a moment of enlightenment, only to realize: I don’t have time for this shiznit!
How do I find balance? Where does it come from?
As a child, I did this whole maniacal life thing too. I would make lists for what I needed to do before going to school.
Wake up at 6 AM.
Curl hair (& apply hairspray so that I can lift my bangs with one hair)
Eat breakfast (cereal)
Go to bus stop at 7:25
Catch bus at 7:30
That would last all of a day, and then I’d get back to the real story:
Wake up at 6:45 (sh!t, sh!t, sh!t)
Pick out clothes (cause of course I didn’t do it the night before)
Dry hair about 1/2 way (bangs were very important)
Curl hair, not forgetting about the hairspray
Bus stop at 7:30 (sh!t, sh!t, sh!t)
Go ask mom or dad for a ride to school
And while I’ve grown out of some of this, I really haven’t. I still live my life basically like this 2nd girl. Unorganized. Knowing that when I do follow my own “rules” my life is infinitely better. But I don’t like the prep work. I’m lazy. And I easily forget how easy it is to put a dish in the dishwasher once I’m done (or even, unload the dishwasher — gasp!). How easy it is to leash up the dogs when I come home from the gym, already in workout clothes & supportive shoes. How AWESOME it feels to have the water flowing over and under me in swim practice. How I love the feeling of knowing that I’m having an amazing dinner that night, and I have everything I need. How much better I feel about myself when I’m wearing clothes that suit me and were clean, or pressed, or hung up, not just the ones that I could find because they’re still hanging on the drying rack in the garage.
I think it’s time I grew up a bit.