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Up and at them!

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I was up early this morning.  No, the dogs didn’t get out again (that would have sucked!).  Nope, I was up ON PURPOSE.  Can you believe it?  I realized that I really needed to start swimming again, and to do so, I need to find some time to do it. My swim team practices at 5:30 AM Tuesdays & Thursdays about a mile from my house.  I really don’t have an excuse, except, “The bed is warm, the car is cold, and the air on my bum when I take off those sweatpants on the pool deck is colder”.  That’s all.

This morning wasn’t much different.  I set the alarm for 5 AM, and when it went off I immediately changed it to sound at 6 AM instead.  Then I was thinking, “Well, 6:30 would work, or even 6:50”.  I laid there long enough to realize that I was already awake, and the pool was not that far off.  So I went for it.

And I’m glad I did.

Oh, and I also hope that I win Young House Love’s giveaway for a print of swimmers.  ‘Cause that’d be awesome.

I also hope that I win the Mega Millions Jackpot.  ‘Cause that’d be awesome-er.

How do I find balance?

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I’m a wife.
I’m a (pup & kitty) mom.
I work full time.
I train & exercise.
I cook & prep (most) food.
I have friends.
My house is big (and usually messy).
I’m the shopper, the launder, and the organizer (of our lives).

I have a lot going on.  And I don’t know how to keep it all straight or fit it all in.  You see, I’m a bit of a maniacal perfectionist.  When things are good — man are they good.  I feel like a grown-up.  In my big, organized house. Laundry put away into the drawers, dishes done, floors swept or vacuumed.  Dogs walked, cats brushed (with clean litter pans), and my in-box down to less than 50 actionable emails.  (Yes, I know… 50 actionable emails left is GOOD?!?  Yes, yes it is.  Don’t judge.)  A meal plan prepared days in advance, knowing that I have defrosted the chicken I want to make, I have the panko bread crumbs required, and I will certainly get to eat some cherries for dessert.

But when things are bad.  Man.  They are B.A.D.  Dishes everywhere.  Dog fur everywhere.  Dogs lying on the floor, staring at their leashes wondering when, oh when, are we going somewhere, Mom?  Moldy produce waiting to be used, while I pick up take-out or pull together something “easy” (read:  Processed, and usually not all that easy).  Piles of magazines waiting to be read, their pages then torn out, and placed in a pile.  Until they’re moved, and eventually discarded with the other recipes that I’ll never make.  The other crafty ideas I had in a moment of enlightenment, only to realize:  I don’t have time for this shiznit!

How do I find balance?  Where does it come from?

As a child, I did this whole maniacal life thing too.  I would make lists for what I needed to do before going to school.
Wake up at 6 AM.
Brush teeth.
Iron (!?!?!?!)
Dry hair
Curl hair (& apply hairspray so that I can lift my bangs with one hair)
Eat breakfast (cereal)
Go to bus stop at 7:25
Catch bus at 7:30

That would last all of a day, and then I’d get back to the real story:
Wake up at 6:45 (sh!t, sh!t, sh!t)
Pick out clothes (cause of course I didn’t do it the night before)
Dry hair about 1/2 way (bangs were very important)
Curl hair, not forgetting about the hairspray
Bus stop at 7:30 (sh!t, sh!t, sh!t)
Go ask mom or dad for a ride to school

And while I’ve grown out of some of this, I really haven’t.  I still live my life basically like this 2nd girl.  Unorganized.  Knowing that when I do follow my own “rules” my life is infinitely better.  But I don’t like the prep work.  I’m lazy.  And I easily forget how easy it is to put a dish in the dishwasher once I’m done (or even, unload the dishwasher — gasp!).  How easy it is to leash up the dogs when I come home from the gym, already in workout clothes & supportive shoes.  How AWESOME it feels to have the water flowing over and under me in swim practice.  How I love the feeling of knowing that I’m having an amazing dinner that night, and I have everything I need.  How much better I feel about myself when I’m wearing clothes that suit me and were  clean, or pressed, or hung up, not just the ones that I could find because they’re still hanging on the drying rack in the garage.

I think it’s time I grew up a bit.

Making a Plan

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Weight: 211.2

I am owning my mistakes:

  • I have made poor choices in food. 
  • I have not exercised as much as I should.
  • I have not made myself a priority.
  • I have used food to silence my emotions

Starting today, I will:

  • Prioritize myself
  • Exercise every day this week
  • Make good food choices
  • Blog about my emotions, or talk to someone, instead of eating to make them go away
  • Not reward myself with food – this means no pizza tonight during class!
  • Make a PLAN!

I have updated my weight in Calorie King — both in the weigh-in and on my signature line. This week is going to be amazing, and I want to be fully present in it, not worried about the 6 pounds that have crept up on me. Not worry about feeling sickly in the middle of the night. I want to exercise hard, eat clean & sleep soundly. I’ve realized that since I started not eating meat in most cases, that I’ve started to eat more & more carbs. Why? That wasn’t the plan here — the plan was to make better choices, based on how food is raised and made — so I start choosing processed crap? Might as well eat a feed-lot chicken if that’s what it’s coming down to.

Going to a talk given by Bill Germanakos, the winner of Season 4 of The Biggest Loser at 11:30 this morning. He’s coming onto campus here at work — I’m hoping that this will give me the next shot in the head that I need!

Photo courtesy of:  Weight Loss Twins
If I don’t kick it into gear, I’m not going to make all my targets, which allow me to be at goal weight for our big trip in February. While I realize that I need to strive for Progress, Not Perfection, I also know that this was a very reasonable goal, and I want to meet or exceed it for myself. I am not currently even CLOSE to hitting the goal for the end of October (199). If I can make it back down to 206 by the end of the week (before going to Vegas), I’ll be a VERY happy camper.
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